The Greatest Show on Gurp

3 more shows with The Artifacts and another job well done by what I like to call “The Greatest Show on Drugs”, though this time the lion’s share of the devastation was done by tequila & Jameson. While the name of this tour has been “Back Up On the Scene”, this particular leg of it should have been known as Vomi-Tour-ium. In Greenville, SC the notorious DJ Football began the night with four consecutive shots of Patron, while the goodly people of the audience assaulted the stage with complimentary shot after beer  during our performance. I lost count somewhere around the 12th can of PBR & the 15th shot of Jamie.

I am proud to say that I broke a personal record, vomiting 3 times on stage & miraculously not fumbling a verse. After our set someone literally asked me if barfing on stage was “my gimmick”, as if being some kind of rap G.G. Allen was now hot in the streets (fuck, I’m so out of touch with current culture it just might be). And while walking past some chick near the restrooms she pointed at the twin glops of regurge on my shirt & asked “eewww, what’s that?” I simply responded “A lifestyle”.

But alas I have to award the Gurp Trophy to DJ Football, aka Bitch Ninja, aka Kool DJ Yellow Alert, etc. For needing his girl to drive him home from the club & having her pull over six times in one hour to earl on the side of the highway. Upon his return home, curling up on the cool comfort of  the bathroom floor next to his Racer X magazine & letting the spins lull him into sweet dreams of motorcycle porn… Oh yeah also there was some music played in between there somewhere.

Big shouts to Jessica for getting our DJ home safely & then snapping the appropriate photo as he wallowed in his self-inflicted wounds.