Now normally I would not post the type of low brow crappy camera phone picture you see above, but this old man made my weekend so his story simply had to be told & sans photo of said geezer it just wouldn’t be the same. I ran across this gentleman at a local music venue/dive bar that a friend’s rock band was playing. He had been drinking scotch on the rocks and having a grand old time since about 9pm. He couldn’t have been more than 5ft. 2, was at least seventy years of age and was in the company of his wife who had a broken arm in a sling. About halfway through the opening set Gramps started feeling himself and took it to the floor. As he cut his way through a mean rug he encountered my Worst Case Scenario co-host & local man-eater The Snow Shark. Sadly, as the two threw down what was possibly the most furious tandem Molly Ringwald in recorded history in the front row, some mammoth twenty-something metal-head thrashing his way through the universe slammed himself into the wounded and now bewildered wife of the hot-footed septuagenarian, a slight that would not sit lightly with this aged war veteran. The old man gave this fat bastard a good shove to get him away from the wife and things seemed to calm down for a while. But about 20 minutes later the couple called a cab and on their way out of the bar their paths crossed once again with the big man and the old fella settled the score with a swift 3 piece to the fat boy’s jaw laying him flat in the street & knocking him out cold in front of all the smoker’s on the sidewalk out front, myself being one of them. As an official party bonus the old man stood next to the cab & waited for the plump little punching bag to awaken, lunging back in his face and asking “You want another piece of me?!”
Speaking for us all, no sir we do not. None of us want to get knocked the fuck out by a senior citizen in front of all our peers.
Unsurprisingly your boy Foulio is once again a day late & a dollar short on his Thursday free music grind. Luckily the Ville Boyz are seemingly far more up to the task. So this week freebies come on Friday. As usual they hit me on the head with some top quality rap music, this one featuring The Fist Fam’s own special needs Nate Dog known as J EZ. So without further ado I’m gonna go nurse this hangover & you can click the link below & get your free sample of Carolina’s finest.
In the first year of broadcasting Wost Case Scenario we often assumed that we would be kicked off the air largely for the slapdash, lackluster, obnoxiously negligent manner of the show, or perhaps just because of the sheer heroic volume of wanton on-air drinking by the cast. In year two, between the shameless sexual harassment of female callers by poorly impersonated versions of Sean Connery & Morgan Freeman, and attempts to get grown women to text sweet booby shots to our 15 year old Hungarian intern, we began to appreciate the likelihood that our defrocking would could come on the heels of possible criminal charges.
It is only now in the onset of our third year on the air that our shenanigans have really begun to hit their stride so to speak, perfecting the art of pushing the envelope of bad taste right to the razor thin borderline of obscenity and/or pornography and the outright corruption of a minor, without crossing over. Congratulations us. As promised the link below is part 2 of the 2 year anniversary episode featuring members of the Fist Fam & others. Thank you for supporting the foolish absurdities of a gang of reputed wise crackers and the questionable buffoonery of known punchinellos.
Looks like those Gurp City cuzzerelli’s in the Rec League camp are as busy as ever on their music-that-will-punch-you-in-the-face grind. They just dropped this hord ass posse cut titled “What’s Good” ft. QM, Grip Grand, Richie Cunning, Proe, Rob Rush and Maclaine who also produced this butt naked sub monster. Click the link & download this joint off routine fly, then go buy buy them a drink… it’s the least you can do, the music is free.
If you’re in the Bay Area tonight you actually can go buy them a drink if you go to their show at Wix Lounge, 2601 Mission St on the 3rd floor. Tell them Jerk sent ya.
So as you can probably tell from my victory pose in the above cherished moment from the Gurpocalypse show, this winning shit feels pretty god damned good right now. It’s like being wrapped in a snuggie made out of titties that taste like birthday cake. Hosting Worst Case Scenario, the drunkest & surliest talk radio show on all of the internet was already quite a loftily dubious honor. But celebrating our two year anniversary as the #1 show on the station… priceless. Who would’ve thought that gathering a cadre of reprobates, misanthropes and repeat felons around a case of beer and a bottle of Jameson for the purposes of spirited on-air debate and libelous hate-speech would find a home in the hearts of so many?
On that note I have to thank all our listeners & supporters that have kept us on the air for way longer than I ever expected, and also to our bosses at ashevillefm.org & their sick sense of humor, for putting us on the air and risking possible legal action every week by leaving us there. Since the Anniversary episode aired a few weeks ago featuring guest appearances from former cast members & most of the Fist Fam, I have been receiving calls & messages from people demanding I re-post it somewhere. Apparently folks are quite fond of this one, so I chopped it into the three talk segments and between the weekly free music drops I will be posting the pieces here over the next week or so.
Anyway, click the link below & give a listen to part 1 of what some have been calling our funniest episode to date. And If you enjoy it spread the word, re-post etc. You can listen to Worst Case Scenario live every Thursday from 10pm-midnight (east coast time) on Ashevillefm.org. Each episodes archive is available to listen to all week on the WCS page of the station site.
As promised we are back on our “Best Free Music In The Biz” grind. I guess the Ville Boyz heard that recently released Panama Jack EP from the Fist Fam & decided to raise the ante. As they move ever closer to releasing their new full length they hit us with better songs each go-round. I have been a fan of everything I’ve heard off this album so far, but this new track titled “We” is easily my favorite. Speaking of which, these little bastards better get me on this album to do what I do best, which is spit 16 square bars of hot math. Yeah, that’s right in case you didn’t know, Foul Mouth Jerk is the Good Will Hunting of piping hot math. It’s been said, it can’t be taken back.
Anyway, don’t sleep click the link below & grab the hot fiah. And feel free to leave a comment below thanking me profusely for the sweet exclusive.
As the summer of GurpStock comes to a close, we end it by blowing the cap stone off the motherfucker. The Fist Fam returned home for the wedding of GCS’s stalwart crew DJ, Football (you may recall him from his picture, curled up on the floor in front of the toilet in another post on this site). And we felt this would be the perfect opportunity for the whole crew to get together for our first all Gurp City South bill at Asheville’s largest music venue The Orange Peel.
As usual the weekend started early, on Thursday night with the 2 year anniversary episode of our radio show “Wost Case Scenario” with an all star cast of guests and former staff members of the show. The night was nearly spoiled by the misguided caper of one kleptomaniacal floozy once again proving that you can’t trust a big butt & a smile attempting to Ocean’s 11 a pair of 12 packs out of my fridge. Lucky for me I am the Lester Freemon of the sauce, and thwarted this silly bitch’s misbegotten heist before a clean get away could be made.
Miraculously though the weekend was a daisy chain of benders, climaxing on Saturday with DJ Football’s wedding immediately followed by the Gurp City South show the entire crew managed to make it to show time with their collective game face on and destroy all four sets. Details of after partying will remain undisclosed to protect the guilty. But on behalf of myself, Fist Fam, The Ville Boyz, TopR Holiday, Adam Strange, Chris Denato and Macon Beats we would like to thank everybody who came out to support the show and congratulate DJ & Jessica Football on an awesome wedding.
So this is the post I’ve been waiting for. Fresh off the presses from those workaholics over at San Francisco branch, The Fist Fam just dropped their new EP “Panama Jack”. This one is a true crew effort with production from Micah Aza, Al Lover, Conceit, and more with features from Big Shawn of Bored Stiff & Brandon B of Trunk Drank. This gurptastic album is 7 tracks deep and once again completely free. Not to mention it closes with their Bay area hit single “S.F. Bay”, previously only available on video (which you can view on the video page of this site). Suffice it to say no one has blended the SF Underground and Down South styles so seamlessly as The Fist Fam. If these guys ain’t drinking & making music then fish don’t swim. Click the link below for your free copy of the album
Just when you thought the Summer of Gurpstock was over,we stick the landing with another spectacular catastrophe. As the city council of Asheville manages to anger both sides of the hotly contested debate as to whether hip hop should be allowed at local festivals, the artists of Gurp City South manage to weasel their way into headlining both nights of the LAAF Fest.
Beginning at 2pm Saturday my consigliere & I began our promo mission, passing out fliers for the upcoming GCS show at the Orange Peel, to patrons of the Lexington Avenue Arts Festival while indulging ourselves in liberal doses of PBR & Nathan’s hot dogs. Somehow after 500 handbills dispersed, we managed to keep this pace & arrive at the main stage for the Ville Boyz set at 9pm, with some modicum of respectable decorum (comparatively speaking of course). The VB’s went on to tear the house down with a rowdy yet upbeat hour of music for a crowd of several hundred. Surprisingly it wasn’t until they slowed it down for one of their satellite associates to do a very VH1, Wycleff-esqe, one-man & his acoustic, love ballad that several meat head goons jumped a guy in flip-flops in the front row, simply because the guy’s girlfriend couldn’t be coerced into making out with one of these assailants (so powerful was the impact of this amorous serenade upon the up & coming date rapist). Ironically the violence was ended by the closing of the set with the rowdiest of Ville Boyz numbers “2 Days Til Tuesday” and all was made right in the jungle. My personal joy was such that I continued my celebration with several associates until about 8am. A respectable 16hr bender survived relatively unscathed.
Waking up Sunday afternoon just two hours before my 7pm set with GFE, I arrived back at the festival just in time to dispatch another chili-cheese dog & two beers before showtime. The crowd was sizable & energetic and the set was deftly executed. The highlight for me was undoubtedly being heckled by a homeless person, a remarkable 1st in a career marked with a litany of auspicious events. The bum managed to make his way to the front row to ice grill the band for a portion of the show, sliding his hand across his throat menacingly along with a few other disparaging gestures, before coming side stage & asking one of the MC’s if he could get a verse (yes even bums rap now & they too believe they do it better than you). After his predictable rebuke Evil Mr. Wendall returned to a place of prominence in the crowd & continued to pantomime his disapproval at the free live music. Say what you will about the downtrodden & dispossessed vagabonds of Asheville but they prove time & again that beggars can in fact be choosers.
Ok… after some days on the road that required another week of recovery I have returned & will get back on my posting grind, as there are things afoot that the public simply must be made aware of. But before all that I wanna thank Lauren Pierro, Tone, The Problmeaddicts & all the folks who mad this year’s Bella Terra Festival possible. This weekend was further proof of my belief that the liver is evil & deserves punishment. As usual my main damey & partner in crime Johnny Durkin aka Kool DJ Amber Alert acted in collusion on the heist of several golf carts. Capers that were highlighted by a power slide into the head of security, my first pop-a-wheelie, and culminated in both myself & Durk crashing high speed (for a golf cart anyway) through the performances of two aghast fire jugglers. A spectacular moral victory for enemies of the faux arts everywhere.
Once again proving that Gurp City is a lifestyle not a gimmick, TopR, Adam Strange, DJ Amber Alert & I did a grievously hungover yet heroic 4pm Saturday set in the blazing hot sun for a few hundred damaged, yet no worse for the wear festival goers. And though playing outdoors, I for once took the occasion to not barf onstage… I know, kind of seems like a wasted opportunity. While over the course of two consecutive all nighters several pictures were taken of cohorts & party members in various embarrassing states of vulnerability & compromising positions, unfortunately they are of such low quality I am unable to post them here. We will simply have to make due with the above endearing little number of those of us who made it to 6am Sunday morning just hours before we made our escape back to Lagurdia, none the wiser.
Special thanks to MadLee for the timely airport pick-up & the clean get away in the $100K Benzo. You sir are a class act. Gurp City South wins again.