In honor of my Thanksgiving visit to the Bay & the Fist Fam’s continuing campaign to facilitate my assassination via Jameson, which will inevitably be legally ruled “death by misadventure”, I am posting this new piece of free music. It is the Fist Fam’s electr-ode to that most deleterious of spirits, Irish Whiskey. It is titled “Green Bottle Brown” & features the talents of the one & only Gus Cutty & the mysterious rantings of the idiot-savant-in-charge Jay EZ (yes, yes in fact he does say “voo-doo from my nail clippings could never kill me”) . Click the link below to grab the track & it’s oh so appropriate artwork…
It’s Worst Case Thursday once again, and that means free music. This week we got some brand new shit from NDSkyz, an Asheville, NC based crew that is affiliated with some of the homies in Gurp City South. Rumor has it Smidi aka Hollywood Cole himself, will be appearing on their upcoming full length. We’ve been playing this track on the radio for the last couple of weeks and I’m definitely feeling it. But that should go without saying, cause I don’t play whack ass poodle music. It’s just a thing I have about stuff that sucks vs. stuff that’s fresh. Suffice it to say I’m expecting good things from NDSkyz so you can likely expect more free downloads from them right here as the album release draws closer. Enjoy:
Now that my week of slacking is over it’s time to get back on my posting grind. It is in that spirit that I give you the last installment of our deep, penetrating probe on the physical act of love with man’s best friend & other quadrupeds. This clip includes a call-in from an audience member with a suspiciously extensive amount of information to share on the topic. Far be it from me to call into question the proclivities of Worst Case Scenario listeners. I’m not here to judge, merely to assail character, slanderously accuse, and sometimes impune. With any luck there will be more highlights soon to come, on topics other than the salacious treatment of cherished family pets. But that may be a rather ambitious hope for the breadth of our subject matter. For some reason this clip of pt.3 is accidentally labeled as pt.2… nonetheless it is actually pt. 3
Continuing with Worst Case Scenario’s hard-hitting, in-depth investigation of the forbidden love between man and dog, this second chapter leads us to find that answers to our previous questions only lead to more questions. Our engineer Adam Strange manages to find the actual news footage of the Memphis canine sex caper, and we get to hear the story first hand from the dog’s owner, bringing to light some ironic turns in the story and one twist that is worthy of M. Night Shyamalan. If you would like to listen the episode in it’s entirety you can follow the link below. Otherwise without further ado…
After marking the 2 year anniversary of Gurp City South’s online radio program Worst Case Scenario we finally launched live video streaming of each week’s episode via Twitter, which may turn out to be a brilliant stroke of marketing or a fatally stupendous error depending on how the broadening audience reacts to the myriad of retarded conversations & activities intrinsic to the staff of our show. Such behavior clearly exemplified by the 2nd week of live video broadcasting when co-host Hollywood Cole, showing up adrift on Jameson, subsequently put me in a headlock & jail raped my face by licking my beard 7 separate times. A gesture that from my perspective would have gone gleefully unviewed by the listening audience, but appeared to be a career highlight in the questionable opinions of my co-conspirators.
A secondary benefit of the video feed is that we get to chop up some of the funnier segments into short, digestable pieces. Which brings us to today’s post, the 1st of a hopefully consistent series of Worst Case Scenario highlight reels on GCS. Herein part 1 of a conversation about a man in Memphis, TN caught in the throes of passion with his neighbor’s dog. If you enjoy, the show can be listened to live every Thursday from 10pm to midnight on
Now normally I would not post the type of low brow crappy camera phone picture you see above, but this old man made my weekend so his story simply had to be told & sans photo of said geezer it just wouldn’t be the same. I ran across this gentleman at a local music venue/dive bar that a friend’s rock band was playing. He had been drinking scotch on the rocks and having a grand old time since about 9pm. He couldn’t have been more than 5ft. 2, was at least seventy years of age and was in the company of his wife who had a broken arm in a sling. About halfway through the opening set Gramps started feeling himself and took it to the floor. As he cut his way through a mean rug he encountered my Worst Case Scenario co-host & local man-eater The Snow Shark. Sadly, as the two threw down what was possibly the most furious tandem Molly Ringwald in recorded history in the front row, some mammoth twenty-something metal-head thrashing his way through the universe slammed himself into the wounded and now bewildered wife of the hot-footed septuagenarian, a slight that would not sit lightly with this aged war veteran. The old man gave this fat bastard a good shove to get him away from the wife and things seemed to calm down for a while. But about 20 minutes later the couple called a cab and on their way out of the bar their paths crossed once again with the big man and the old fella settled the score with a swift 3 piece to the fat boy’s jaw laying him flat in the street & knocking him out cold in front of all the smoker’s on the sidewalk out front, myself being one of them. As an official party bonus the old man stood next to the cab & waited for the plump little punching bag to awaken, lunging back in his face and asking “You want another piece of me?!”
Speaking for us all, no sir we do not. None of us want to get knocked the fuck out by a senior citizen in front of all our peers.
In the first year of broadcasting Wost Case Scenario we often assumed that we would be kicked off the air largely for the slapdash, lackluster, obnoxiously negligent manner of the show, or perhaps just because of the sheer heroic volume of wanton on-air drinking by the cast. In year two, between the shameless sexual harassment of female callers by poorly impersonated versions of Sean Connery & Morgan Freeman, and attempts to get grown women to text sweet booby shots to our 15 year old Hungarian intern, we began to appreciate the likelihood that our defrocking would could come on the heels of possible criminal charges.
It is only now in the onset of our third year on the air that our shenanigans have really begun to hit their stride so to speak, perfecting the art of pushing the envelope of bad taste right to the razor thin borderline of obscenity and/or pornography and the outright corruption of a minor, without crossing over. Congratulations us. As promised the link below is part 2 of the 2 year anniversary episode featuring members of the Fist Fam & others. Thank you for supporting the foolish absurdities of a gang of reputed wise crackers and the questionable buffoonery of known punchinellos.
So as you can probably tell from my victory pose in the above cherished moment from the Gurpocalypse show, this winning shit feels pretty god damned good right now. It’s like being wrapped in a snuggie made out of titties that taste like birthday cake. Hosting Worst Case Scenario, the drunkest & surliest talk radio show on all of the internet was already quite a loftily dubious honor. But celebrating our two year anniversary as the #1 show on the station… priceless. Who would’ve thought that gathering a cadre of reprobates, misanthropes and repeat felons around a case of beer and a bottle of Jameson for the purposes of spirited on-air debate and libelous hate-speech would find a home in the hearts of so many?
On that note I have to thank all our listeners & supporters that have kept us on the air for way longer than I ever expected, and also to our bosses at ashevillefm.org & their sick sense of humor, for putting us on the air and risking possible legal action every week by leaving us there. Since the Anniversary episode aired a few weeks ago featuring guest appearances from former cast members & most of the Fist Fam, I have been receiving calls & messages from people demanding I re-post it somewhere. Apparently folks are quite fond of this one, so I chopped it into the three talk segments and between the weekly free music drops I will be posting the pieces here over the next week or so.
Anyway, click the link below & give a listen to part 1 of what some have been calling our funniest episode to date. And If you enjoy it spread the word, re-post etc. You can listen to Worst Case Scenario live every Thursday from 10pm-midnight (east coast time) on Ashevillefm.org. Each episodes archive is available to listen to all week on the WCS page of the station site.
As promised we are back on our “Best Free Music In The Biz” grind. I guess the Ville Boyz heard that recently released Panama Jack EP from the Fist Fam & decided to raise the ante. As they move ever closer to releasing their new full length they hit us with better songs each go-round. I have been a fan of everything I’ve heard off this album so far, but this new track titled “We” is easily my favorite. Speaking of which, these little bastards better get me on this album to do what I do best, which is spit 16 square bars of hot math. Yeah, that’s right in case you didn’t know, Foul Mouth Jerk is the Good Will Hunting of piping hot math. It’s been said, it can’t be taken back.
Anyway, don’t sleep click the link below & grab the hot fiah. And feel free to leave a comment below thanking me profusely for the sweet exclusive.
For those that don’t know, every Thursday from 10pm to midnight several members of the Gurp City South crew, namely myself (Foul Mouth Jerk), TopR Holiday, Adam Strange & Smidi host an internet radio show on Ashevillefm.org, appropriately known as the Worst Case Scenario. The program is basically two hours of dubious opinions, wild, baseless speculation and slanderous accusations that push the envelope of free speech to the outermost reaches of dickishness, with bits of rap music peppered liberally throughout. It’s sort of like a drunk version of Hardball meets Kool DJ Red Alert… with racist jokes. Recurring guests include a case of PBR, the head of our research department (i.e. one gossipin ass black chick) known as the Snow Shark, and a 15 y.o Hungarian boy affectionately referred to as Serbian Beiber, who serves as an intern, but whose main purpose is to retrieve beers & keep us abreast of how low the standards of behavior for teenage girls has fallen. Needless to say it’s the cutting edge in tasteless public discourse.
That being said, I have been promising on air to post highlights from the show on the site for months. And while I wouldn’t count on this now being a new, reliable occurrence on my part, I will be posting what I think to be the funnier snippets from random episodes as frequently as my feeble work ethic will allow. The current posting being an episode in which multiple members of the staff had split a bag of shrooms just before going on the air.
So without further ado…